hiding inside myself

isn't really hiding at all.

i'm still there, the mean voices inside my head, judging me

telling me to do things differently, to stop being so lazy, so quiet, so still

to create something, do something, move

i want more adventures,
then i spend my day off inside my apartment
watching bad tv and shutting myself off

i make promises to myself i don't keep
to take care of my body
to take care of my mind
to take care of my soul

hiding doesn't take care of any parts of myself
folding down into my dark shadowy self
pretending everything is "just fine"

why do i cheat myself like that?
the world is a wondrous place when i choose to open the door
i know this to be true

then i beat myself up for taking "the easy way out"
but, it doesn't feel easy
this isolation i bring upon myself

so, today, i step outside of my head
and breathe deep
reaching into the sky

knowing that right this moment
i am enough just as i am

and although those words are difficult for me to believe
i will continue to say them
out loud and inside this noisy head of mine

today i am grateful for~

*pregnant bellies
*brave people
*re-connecting with myself through this blog
*dancingmermie for the inspiration to do so
*doug getting a job and making connections

sending you gentleness today, my friends
and wishes for a glorious day filled with love and adventures

~t