alone time

i love being alone. too much i think. i have books and tv and the internet and a phone call to my mom every couple of days and work to keep me from being a complete hermit. but i often am amazed at the effort it still takes me sometimes to do every day things. interacting with people in any kind of social atmosphere that i'm at all unsure of or not familiar with is terrifying to me.

and yet, i interact with people all the time. i just make myself do it. and i keep thinking it will get easier. and i suppose, on one level, it does. but inside, i'm still that little girl who would get my little sister to go up to the counter and order the ice cream cone because i was too scared to do it myself.

being alone this week has brought back to me how comfortable i am with shutting out the outside world. it's not healthy for me, though. not physically or emotionally. it makes me sedentary and passive and lazy.

so, i picked up the phone and made that phone call i've been putting off this morning. with a little nudge from the universe. and it went beautifully. and with this new opportunity i will once again be forced to put myself out there. to speak to people about my passion and make connections and stretch beyond my limits.

thank you universe, for pushing me and thank you me for moving forward and not pushing back too hard.